12.31.2008

A new beginning...

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 7:11 AM 5 comments




... more to come, I just wanted to wish everyone a fabulous New Year! Stay safe, kiddos!












**A few hours later**

I need to vent... is it too early to start drinking? Really, you have no idea how hard I am trying to not open the fridge and start pounding beer.
2009 is VERY bitter sweet for me. It's more like 95% bitter and 5% sweet. I would say 100% bitter but I am trying very hard not to view it as all negative.
2009 is approaching too quickly... much too quickly. It brings new beginnings but also new endings.
Basically, I am having to return to work.
I have so much hate, anger, fear and raw emotion running through me right now. I am sick to my stomach and the urge to throw something, yell, curse is becoming harder to handle. The ONLY thing that is keeping me sane is little Baby J. He looks up at me with his huge, toothless grin and makes me cry and smile at the same time.
Even though I have been home since his birth, I have had the added stress of still continuing to work from home. So instead of really enjoying the time with me and him, I have been stuck to this damn laptop... continually checking my work email, contacting my clients and trying to keep my numbers up. Well, since the down economy my numbers are not great. Sales are very demanding and when pretty much half of your client base is laid off, what does one person do? Stress.
I am now viewing my job as evil. I want to say Fuck It, turn in my resignation letter, hand over my lap top, clean my desk out, say a few quick goodbyes, never look back and be done. However, my boss has been very understanding of my situation and has not complained once to me about my job performance. He has worked with my schedule for the past 4 months and has been so supportive of my health: before and after.
And while this may come back to bite me in the ass... I *secretly* hope that I will be laid off. This may seem selfish to some but in my little head I am 100% thinking of my little bundle of joy.
He needs his mama. He needs me to rock him to sleep for nap time, he needs me to make his bottles, he needs me to read stories to him, he needs my face to smile at... and I need him just as much!
And while I would never bash Marc for his choices, unless they were life threatening, I cant help but to feel so much anger towards him, too. I look at him and feel that he is not "allowing" me to stay home with our child. And by "allowing" I mean he is very capable of supporting this family. He works very hard and never settles for second best. However, he is showing me different. I'm not going to get into his situation as it would be unfair for him and really no one needs to know that much detail, but I am angry - very angry.
So I am scanning around for nannies, day care's, anyone and I am becoming bitter. I am going to be writing a check every month for someone else to care for my child. I will be sitting at work all day long wondering if he is being taken care of the way I would do it. I dont want a stranger touching him, holding him, kissing him, I dont want to miss his little similes, the day he rolls, the day he busts out laughing, the day he says his first word, the day he can sit... it's not fucking fair. It doesn't seem right.

12.27.2008

Happy Holidays!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 9:28 AM 1 comments
Well now that the holidays are pretty much over with, I have a few minutes to write and update.
The past week has been wonderful and relaxing! We were pretty much snowed in and Marc has had the past 9 days off, which was much needed for all three of us. He has been so busy with his wrestling tournament and refereeing that I barely saw him the past month. I ended up sitting at home all day and all night wondering what the hell I did to myself... I guess the postpartum emotions are still lingering.
Baby J is growing so fast! He has been sleeping 7-8 hours a night now which helps me tremendously through out the day! He is becoming such a little man and gaining weight like a little champ. Even though he is only 2 and half months old, it seems like he has been with us forever.
Christmas was a blast! Very relaxed. My mom and her boyfriend came over to spend the day at our home. Marc made an amazing prime rib dinner with acorn squash, fresh green beans and stuffing. And there was lots of beer and wine, too.
Marc and I do our gift giving non traditional: we pretty much buy our own gifts during the month. This year my gifts were all about getting myself back to the "pre pregnant" Tasha. I have a new tanning package, a full foil and new hair cut and a new gym membership. Marc got an electric toothbrush, a new cell phone and new dvd's.
However my mom spoiled all of us! *she always does :)*
My problem is I can never remember what I need or want so I am already planning my list for next year. So far I have: cookie sheets, a Dyson and a new camera... Marc, make note.

I hope everyone else had a great holiday!













12.21.2008

More Snow!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 8:30 AM 2 comments
Thanks Jack Frost!
Seattle saw another 3-6 inches last night, depending on the location. We received about 5 more inches.



And look at this! Such a little man!

12.18.2008

Let it snow!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 11:11 AM 1 comments

Seattle is a mess today! We got oh... 6 inches. Pathetic.
But since I am from Easter Washington where we could see up to a foot or more in one evening and still be expected to make it to work the next day. The problem with Western Washington is the lack of snow plows, experienced drivers and common sense. They just are not prepared for ANY snow. Now that I am working from home it can snow as long as it wants to! I do miss it so this is a nice treat. Baby J and I are rockin' our flannels today and drinking tea. Well, I'm drinking tea, he's drinking milk. :)


Here are some pictures of our front and back yard




12.15.2008

One more month down!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 2:25 PM 1 comments
Happy 2 months, Jordan!







I cannot believe we have a two month old! Everyday he is getting more fun! He smiles all of the time and he adores his papa. Marc can walk into the room, say something and Jordan's eyes get huge and he starts to get so excited!
I have decided to stop breastfeeding, also. I am so proud of myself that I made it to two months but with me going back to work, daily events and him eating all of the time, I figured it would be easier this way. Plus, my appetite has been so small after giving birth that I wasn't consuming enough food or water during the day to keep up with his demand. He was constantly on me, getting frustrated. Plus, I developed thrush last week and have been in constant pain. Again, I am so happy and pleased that I lasted a full 2 months!
We had our family Holiday get together this past Saturday. Jordan did great! All smiles and happy to see and meet everyone. That was also the first day of snow for winter 2008/2009. It has been bitter cold and very frozen! Baby J and I have been snuggling all day, keeping warm.
OH! And he held his bottle for the first time today! It was a little too heavy for him to keep it in his mouth but he was holding it up! He really does amaze me everyday! :)

12.12.2008

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 10:21 PM 1 comments


12.11.2008

We had a breakthrough!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 10:41 AM 3 comments
:crosses fingers that this will stay!:
So, Baby J is horrible at sleeping. I love him, but this is not his best side. I have been having to co sleep with him the past 3 weeks because it is the only way I was able to get any sleep. The down side: Marc was worried that he might squish him so he slept on the couch. AND Baby J takes after his father's bad eating habits and is super loud! I know it wakes Marc up and I feel awful since he has to get up so early and go to work.
I have been trying to get him on a routine at night but I ended up so frustrated after he was down for 5 minutes then right back awake. So I bagged the idea. Well the past few nights I have been trying to go back to his night time routine again. He is now 12 pounds and I have read that they are able to sleep longer once they have enough weight on them.
So last night I bathed Baby J at 8, lotion and massaged him, fed him, rocked him and put him down in his crib. Some other problems that we were having is when I went to put him down he would automatically wake up. Turns out he is a tummy sleeper. Fine, we got that area worked out, but he was still waking up. So the genius I am patted his back once he was down for a few minutes and he was out like a light! Ok, so I did add some baby crack in this little experiment, too.
Baby Crack - white noise. You can buy special machines that play the sound of rain, ocean and so forth but all I do is turn one of his monitor handset's on without the main componet and all it is is static.
Baby J slept until 12:30! For him this is AMAZING! He has never slept this long with me holding him in bed. I also upped his food intake from 4 oz to 5 oz. Little piglet... he just wants to grow and grow!

12.09.2008

Not done for the day...

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 6:55 PM 0 comments
I was looking through my old sewing projects and I had to resurrect some of my favorites!
You can find them here.


I found this vintage embroidery pattern and loved it!


I love making these little pillows! I custom made this for a friend and her new addition, Audry.




Cute little cupcake pillow! How sweet it is!


Who couldn't love Freddy the Frog?
Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 11:55 AM 0 comments
Baby J had his first set of shots today. Poor little guy.
He actually did really well and only cried for a short amount of time! My little trooper!
And he doesn't seem to be too phased by them. He's just a little more snuggly today, which I don't mind one bit! :)

He is already 12 pounds and 21 inches long. No wonder I keep having to put his newborn clothes away.

12.08.2008

Why I love the holidays...

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 8:02 PM 1 comments

Peppermint Ice Cream

12.07.2008

Sunday - Really?

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 12:27 PM 2 comments
Even though I stay at home I still do not like Sunday's. So I guess I can take some time while Baby J is eating and do this little questionnaire about me.

Stolen from KnitPastis

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No, but my mom was either going to name me LaToya or Tasha. Hmm... glad it turned out the way it did!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? A couple nights ago when Baby J wouldn't get to sleep. He is usually pretty good about it but he has been having some pretty fussy nights.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? At times. It really depends on the type of pen I am using... strange I know.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Pastrami

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Awwww... Little Baby J!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Of course! I value friendship so much! I am corny, quirky, trustworthy and not judgmental. I give non bias advice and listen before talking.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I do. I love to laugh and love to make others laugh!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yup

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? As long as there is a safety net below I would totally jump!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cinnamon Life

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No... never

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? At times but I also know it is ok to be weak.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Wow, only one? I would say Rocky Road is my all time staple. But right now I am loving the Peppermint flavor!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? They're demeanor. I can tell if people are shy, open, friendly, bitchy, etc.

15. RED OR PINK? Red. It's one of those colors that I dont like to go overboard with, but it really is a powerful color!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm not going there...

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Marc. We live together yet with the addition of a baby and his busy schedule, I barely see him. I miss our snuggle times, our nights in the kitchen cooking dinner and drinking wine. Eventually it will get better but it's hard right now.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO DO THIS? Whatever floats your boat.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? My OldNavy socks.

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Pizza. It's football Sunday, baby!

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Seahawks and Patriots game.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? White

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? rain, Marc, vanilla, cookies baking

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My mom

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I stole it, but yes

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football, woman's soccer, the X games

27. HAIR COLOR? Dark brown but I am thinking of getting my hair foiled

28. EYE COLOR? green

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope

30. FAVORITE FOOD? rare steak or real good Italian

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary! I love a good drama flick

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Grosse Point Blank - my favorite

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? green tank top and black zip up sweatshirt

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Autumn

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs AND kisses from Marc, hugs from everyone els

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? anything chocolate

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Probably Sophie :)

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? This isn't an email, folks

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Nothing.. I need to go to the library!

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I dont have one.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? The Punisher

42. FAVORITE SOUND? I'm not really a sound person, but I do love lite jazz or "coffee shop"style music in the background. It's very relaxing.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles!

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Illinois

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? No... I am special. Period

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Washington

12.04.2008

Finally... I was able to capture a smile!

Posted by Tasha - The Clean Eating Mama at 2:02 PM 2 comments