The first of many

Well, the start of 2009 has brought Jordan his first cold. But since he is my little boy, he is taking it like a little champ! He is pretty stuffy but has no other symptoms, and still smiles and laughs at both of us. I took him to his pediatrician yesterday and everything sounded great. No fluid, just a basic cold. We have a humidifier in his room, thanks mom!, so he can breath easier at night, and his mattress is propped up at a bit of an angle so his little nose can drain better. It seems to be working great as his sleep patterns haven't changed too much. For some strange reason it is just taking him longer to put down but once he is out he will sleep for a good 6-7 hours.

OH! He weighs over 14 pounds now! No wonder my arm is getting sore! :)

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I am very excited to start this again, too!

A new beginning...

... more to come, I just wanted to wish everyone a fabulous New Year! Stay safe, kiddos!












**A few hours later**

I need to vent... is it too early to start drinking? Really, you have no idea how hard I am trying to not open the fridge and start pounding beer.
2009 is VERY bitter sweet for me. It's more like 95% bitter and 5% sweet. I would say 100% bitter but I am trying very hard not to view it as all negative.
2009 is approaching too quickly... much too quickly. It brings new beginnings but also new endings.
Basically, I am having to return to work.
I have so much hate, anger, fear and raw emotion running through me right now. I am sick to my stomach and the urge to throw something, yell, curse is becoming harder to handle. The ONLY thing that is keeping me sane is little Baby J. He looks up at me with his huge, toothless grin and makes me cry and smile at the same time.
Even though I have been home since his birth, I have had the added stress of still continuing to work from home. So instead of really enjoying the time with me and him, I have been stuck to this damn laptop... continually checking my work email, contacting my clients and trying to keep my numbers up. Well, since the down economy my numbers are not great. Sales are very demanding and when pretty much half of your client base is laid off, what does one person do? Stress.
I am now viewing my job as evil. I want to say Fuck It, turn in my resignation letter, hand over my lap top, clean my desk out, say a few quick goodbyes, never look back and be done. However, my boss has been very understanding of my situation and has not complained once to me about my job performance. He has worked with my schedule for the past 4 months and has been so supportive of my health: before and after.
And while this may come back to bite me in the ass... I *secretly* hope that I will be laid off. This may seem selfish to some but in my little head I am 100% thinking of my little bundle of joy.
He needs his mama. He needs me to rock him to sleep for nap time, he needs me to make his bottles, he needs me to read stories to him, he needs my face to smile at... and I need him just as much!
And while I would never bash Marc for his choices, unless they were life threatening, I cant help but to feel so much anger towards him, too. I look at him and feel that he is not "allowing" me to stay home with our child. And by "allowing" I mean he is very capable of supporting this family. He works very hard and never settles for second best. However, he is showing me different. I'm not going to get into his situation as it would be unfair for him and really no one needs to know that much detail, but I am angry - very angry.
So I am scanning around for nannies, day care's, anyone and I am becoming bitter. I am going to be writing a check every month for someone else to care for my child. I will be sitting at work all day long wondering if he is being taken care of the way I would do it. I dont want a stranger touching him, holding him, kissing him, I dont want to miss his little similes, the day he rolls, the day he busts out laughing, the day he says his first word, the day he can sit... it's not fucking fair. It doesn't seem right.

Happy Holidays!

Well now that the holidays are pretty much over with, I have a few minutes to write and update.
The past week has been wonderful and relaxing! We were pretty much snowed in and Marc has had the past 9 days off, which was much needed for all three of us. He has been so busy with his wrestling tournament and refereeing that I barely saw him the past month. I ended up sitting at home all day and all night wondering what the hell I did to myself... I guess the postpartum emotions are still lingering.
Baby J is growing so fast! He has been sleeping 7-8 hours a night now which helps me tremendously through out the day! He is becoming such a little man and gaining weight like a little champ. Even though he is only 2 and half months old, it seems like he has been with us forever.
Christmas was a blast! Very relaxed. My mom and her boyfriend came over to spend the day at our home. Marc made an amazing prime rib dinner with acorn squash, fresh green beans and stuffing. And there was lots of beer and wine, too.
Marc and I do our gift giving non traditional: we pretty much buy our own gifts during the month. This year my gifts were all about getting myself back to the "pre pregnant" Tasha. I have a new tanning package, a full foil and new hair cut and a new gym membership. Marc got an electric toothbrush, a new cell phone and new dvd's.
However my mom spoiled all of us! *she always does :)*
My problem is I can never remember what I need or want so I am already planning my list for next year. So far I have: cookie sheets, a Dyson and a new camera... Marc, make note.

I hope everyone else had a great holiday!

More Snow!

Thanks Jack Frost!
Seattle saw another 3-6 inches last night, depending on the location. We received about 5 more inches.

And look at this! Such a little man!

Let it snow!

Seattle is a mess today! We got oh... 6 inches. Pathetic.
But since I am from Easter Washington where we could see up to a foot or more in one evening and still be expected to make it to work the next day. The problem with Western Washington is the lack of snow plows, experienced drivers and common sense. They just are not prepared for ANY snow. Now that I am working from home it can snow as long as it wants to! I do miss it so this is a nice treat. Baby J and I are rockin' our flannels today and drinking tea. Well, I'm drinking tea, he's drinking milk. :)


Here are some pictures of our front and back yard

One more month down!

Happy 2 months, Jordan!

I cannot believe we have a two month old! Everyday he is getting more fun! He smiles all of the time and he adores his papa. Marc can walk into the room, say something and Jordan's eyes get huge and he starts to get so excited!
I have decided to stop breastfeeding, also. I am so proud of myself that I made it to two months but with me going back to work, daily events and him eating all of the time, I figured it would be easier this way. Plus, my appetite has been so small after giving birth that I wasn't consuming enough food or water during the day to keep up with his demand. He was constantly on me, getting frustrated. Plus, I developed thrush last week and have been in constant pain. Again, I am so happy and pleased that I lasted a full 2 months!
We had our family Holiday get together this past Saturday. Jordan did great! All smiles and happy to see and meet everyone. That was also the first day of snow for winter 2008/2009. It has been bitter cold and very frozen! Baby J and I have been snuggling all day, keeping warm.
OH! And he held his bottle for the first time today! It was a little too heavy for him to keep it in his mouth but he was holding it up! He really does amaze me everyday! :)

We had a breakthrough!

:crosses fingers that this will stay!:
So, Baby J is horrible at sleeping. I love him, but this is not his best side. I have been having to co sleep with him the past 3 weeks because it is the only way I was able to get any sleep. The down side: Marc was worried that he might squish him so he slept on the couch. AND Baby J takes after his father's bad eating habits and is super loud! I know it wakes Marc up and I feel awful since he has to get up so early and go to work.
I have been trying to get him on a routine at night but I ended up so frustrated after he was down for 5 minutes then right back awake. So I bagged the idea. Well the past few nights I have been trying to go back to his night time routine again. He is now 12 pounds and I have read that they are able to sleep longer once they have enough weight on them.
So last night I bathed Baby J at 8, lotion and massaged him, fed him, rocked him and put him down in his crib. Some other problems that we were having is when I went to put him down he would automatically wake up. Turns out he is a tummy sleeper. Fine, we got that area worked out, but he was still waking up. So the genius I am patted his back once he was down for a few minutes and he was out like a light! Ok, so I did add some baby crack in this little experiment, too.
Baby Crack - white noise. You can buy special machines that play the sound of rain, ocean and so forth but all I do is turn one of his monitor handset's on without the main componet and all it is is static.
Baby J slept until 12:30! For him this is AMAZING! He has never slept this long with me holding him in bed. I also upped his food intake from 4 oz to 5 oz. Little piglet... he just wants to grow and grow!

Not done for the day...

I was looking through my old sewing projects and I had to resurrect some of my favorites!
You can find them here.

I found this vintage embroidery pattern and loved it!


I love making these little pillows! I custom made this for a friend and her new addition, Audry.




Cute little cupcake pillow! How sweet it is!


Who couldn't love Freddy the Frog?

Baby J had his first set of shots today. Poor little guy.
He actually did really well and only cried for a short amount of time! My little trooper!
And he doesn't seem to be too phased by them. He's just a little more snuggly today, which I don't mind one bit! :)

He is already 12 pounds and 21 inches long. No wonder I keep having to put his newborn clothes away.